Key Identifying Behaviors
The following questions can be used to help you identify unmanageable areas of your life and “bottom line” behaviors. Do you:
- Find yourself trying to control a partner, relative, friend, employer, or colleague's sexual actions or thoughts?
- Allow sex to play a dominant or all-consuming role in your relationships?
- Think things would be better if only you performed better sexually?
- Find sex more uncomfortable than pleasurable?
- Withdraw emotionally, have your mind on other things during sex, or feel empty afterwards?
- Focus more on another person's sexual attitudes, beliefs, or needs than your own?
- Use sex to try to repair relationships when they are strained?
- Find yourself engaging in compulsive or depressive behaviors to avoid your feelings (sleeping too much, losing sleep, eating poorly, overeating, overspending, or abusing chemicals)?
- Participate in unhealthy or degrading relationships for fear of being alone?
- Compare your appearance with others (co-workers, friends, celebrities)?
- Avoid speaking with others (friends, a professional counselor) about your sexual behaviors or feelings?
- Engage in sexual activities with your partner that feel disturbing or shaming?
- Get accused of or fear that you are "frigid" or "not with it" sexually?
- Lying about your sexual feelings or reactions in order to please your partner (fake orgasm)?
- Neglect your needs, or those of family and friends, to comply with your partner's sexual desires?
- Play detective (look through belongings, check whereabouts, etc.) to find clues of a partner, relative, or friend's sexual acting out?