The Balance, COSA's Newsletter
The Balance is ISO of COSA's newsletter. Two articles selected from the January 1999 issue are shown below.
Step One
“We admitted we were powerless over our sexual codependency — that our lives had become unmanageable.” That had to be my first new thought. All of my old unworkable thoughts and methods must be replaced with this new thinking process, the idea that my life is unmanageable. All of my life, I had been sure that if I tried a little harder, did a littler more, took better control of everything, our life would be okay. I believed it was manageable IF I would only do it right. Notice I say our life. I had no “my” life. I was so enmeshed with everyone that I really believed I controlled our lives.
For me, step one brought freedom. A huge load slid off my shoulders the moment I realized that I didn’t have to take care of my husband, my children, my friends, my extended family, my community and on and on. You name them, I felt a need to caretake or hmmmm ..... control them.
I know the feeling of freedom doesn’t happen that way with everyone. For most of us, the thought of being powerless is frightening. We simply believe life cannot go on if we let go. I realize now that I was as far down as I could go. This disease of codependency is as dangerous for us as the addiction for the addict. Codependency is an addiction. My addiction had progressed to the point where I was close to death. It was killing me. I hope the disease doesn’t get to that point for you. This is January, a good time to begin taking your life back. Have a wonderful 1999 and become acquainted with your best friend ....... YOU!!!
I’ve been in recovery for 10 years. One year ago I would have told you that I’ve taken my life back and would never lose it to anyone again. Today, I can’t say that. My husband was diagnosed with a serious illness. I allowed the doctors to take my life and give it to my husband. It took me almost six months to realize how much of me I had lost to them. I am again back to step one, letting go of the need to please doctors, the need to fix my husband. I’m again focusing on getting my life back. I think I’m doing a pretty good job of getting me back again.
Don’t ever give up. We can slip back into codependency. It won’t kill us UNLESS we stay there.
~ Ila D.
Step Two
“Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” At first I didn’t want to turn my problems over to anyone else. I really believed I had a relationship with my Higher Power and I hadn’t felt like that HP had been very dependable. Now I realize I had a relationship with the church. I had a relationship with religion. I didn’t have a spiritual relationship. I now have spirituality in my life everyday all day. It brings so much support and comfort to me to have spirituality that has nothing to do with works or titles.
Then there is that statement in this step that says ‘restore us to sanity.’ It doesn’t say restore us to sanity IF we are one of those that might happen to be insane. This steps includes each of us. If we are reading this newsletter, we qualify as having been insane. The hope and promise is that we can be “restored.”
Again, let’s all make 1999 be the year that we add even more sanity to our life. We all deserve good in our life. It is okay for us to take care of us first. I know that’s not what I was taught. Many things I was taught were either incorrect or mis-interpreted by me. I will put me first this year, I will, I will, I will. I hope you do the same.
~ Ila D.
This is only a sampling of one issue. To subscribe for one year, send $24.00 to:
The Balance Newsletter
International Service Organization of COSA (or ISO of COSA)
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1-763-537-6904
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